Welcome to high school prom night, a pseudo wedding rehearsal if you're a dad who sired a girl.True she didn't exactly walk down the aisle; wearing foreign heels and a floor length dress far less cooperative than her normal t-shirt/yoga pants/headphones attire, she sort of clunked through the kitchen and into the front foyer where her date awaited. Hours before the doorbell rang, one of my Spotify "Hits of the '80s" playlists purred through our home speakers until my daughter yelled from the bathroom, "Dad, what ARE you listening to?There will be no trysts during the school week or after 5 p.m. By the way, National Potato Day and similar culture specific celebrations do not count as special occasions. Therefore, if my son is enjoying spending the day with his brothers, we may not invite you. Oh, and when this happens, please refer to rule #2. Please refrain from using foul language, and dressing like you have a future in the sex industry.
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________C.
______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend _______________________________________________How often you attend ____________________________________________When would be the best time to interview your:father? Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________B.
Actually, before you answer that you need to read over my ten simple rules to date her, sign your life away (just technicalities), as well as give some samples of your DNA for future use, if necessary.
Now that we got the small stuff out of the way, read the following rules below and if you agree and sign you may qualify to date my beautiful, wonderful, innocent and precious daughter.
(supply phone numbers) __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Do not try to call or write (since you probably cant, anyway).
Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury.
The same goes for your wandering eyes, if they go anywhere below eye level I will ask you to leave the premises as soon as possible, if you do not comply I will take action that I feel is necessary (i.e. Rule #3 I am aware that the so-called latest fashion trends mean that you wear your jeans several sizes too big so that your underwear shows or that you wear jeans known as "girl pants" for boys that are so tight they contour every area of your lower extremities and also expose your underwear.
Please don't be embarrassed but you look ridiculous and so do your friends.
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.